FLASHBACK: ULTIMATE MEAT

an oldie, but a goodie for sure.

a few months back i came up to the hotel to visit chase while he was working. one main reason i decided to come hang out that night was because he informed me of an exceptionally fuckable guy that was staying there that night. obviously i was in the car faster than you can say "inappropriate."

after a few hours of drinking and fending off sexual advances from the hot man's friend, we managed to sneak away and went to his room (215, in case you care.) he went to shower while i obviously went through some of his stuff. not in a creepy way, just curious. lol. finally he came out of the shower. in a towel. game on.

this guy was my type (or at least my type that month): midwestern, sweet, blue collar, says things like "yes ma'am" and "i reckon." im suprised i didnt undress myself in the lobby. so i was anxious to pull away the towel.

i did. and said (and i quote) "uhhhh are you fucking kidding me???...." i mentally gave him a nickname dedicated to a pizza we had ordered earlier -- ULTIMATE MEAT.

this was a good thing. a verrrrrry good thing. it was like christmas morning, but dirty. not kidding, i wasnt quite sure what to do with it. it was that huge. unfortunately, he must have been relying on size rather than skill all his life, because it was not good AT ALL. at one point there was an attempt at the missionary position that could only be described as a pornographic and awful game of leap frog. i considered faking an allergic reaction and bailing. but i was polite, faked it, and got dressed as quickly as i could.

so after sneaking past his friend/boss who was pounding on the door the entire time looking for us, we went down thru the lobby for an uncomfortable walk of shame in front of the night guy. i got in my car, laughed it off, and figured i was ok knowing that i never had to see him again.

he ended up staying an extra night. i worked the next day. awkward. i know, i know -- DONT SHIT WHERE YOU EAT. but it doesnt count for ultimate meat. and i still havent learned my lesson...

<3 CC