buzz, your girlfriend. WOOF.

to reference the "incident" in 114....

the trip to the bar on monday started innocently enough. i was summoned there by a few of the hotel guests who saw me earlier in a sundress and could barely contain themselves. whatever, creepy horny construction guys dont bother me, as long as they're buying me things.

but then we got to the bonus round of Wheel of Unfortunate Losers: BUZZ.

also a hotel guest (obviously) and hot as shit. seriously. 6'4", tan, tattoos, nice smile, whole package. dumb as a doorknob, but we're not gonna be studying for the MCATs during our time together, so whatever. im thrilled at the prospect of getting to know him, a.k.a. seeking him naked. THEN i find out that hes Army. Buzz has no idea that he just said the magic words.

so me, buzz, chase, and dimi (a friend of chase's) head back to the hotel. and right away i am literally MAULED. in front of the other two guys. im wearing a dress that has no room for error. the infamous LEFT BOOB actually makes an appearance at the party. chase and i lock eyes for a minute and i consider flinging myself out the window (unfortunately we're on the first floor) luckily, my good friend jose cuervo convinced me that this was not a big deal -- pop it back in and move on.

so after i gave chase and dimi the heave-ho, we had sex several times. GOOD. GREAT. AMAZING. its not weird when i go to leave, which is good, although he mentions something to me on the way out that was odd. something about a girl bringing his dog to the hotel tomorrow morning. whatever, im tired, and i'd rather not listen to him speak when i could be home sleeping.

turns out, its his GIRLFRIEND dropping off the dog. wtf. how does this always happen to me? im obviously not going to say anything to this girl, but this is just insane. i work here. i socialize here. and now i have to SEE HER?

im glad i did see her. she is BUSTED. stripper fat. armband tattoo. smokers voice. dead behind the eyes. i win. i feel validated. i ESPECIALLY win bc the sheets she and her loving boyfriend were sleeping on were the very same ones that i did what i do best on the day before. hotels dont change the sheets every day in an extended stay, FYI.

hes staying here 5 days a week for the next 2 months. we'll see how this goes.... <3>

From CC

Actual quote: "I have standards. Not many, but I do have them."---CC

*chase*

FLASHBACK: ULTIMATE MEAT

an oldie, but a goodie for sure.

a few months back i came up to the hotel to visit chase while he was working. one main reason i decided to come hang out that night was because he informed me of an exceptionally fuckable guy that was staying there that night. obviously i was in the car faster than you can say "inappropriate."

after a few hours of drinking and fending off sexual advances from the hot man's friend, we managed to sneak away and went to his room (215, in case you care.) he went to shower while i obviously went through some of his stuff. not in a creepy way, just curious. lol. finally he came out of the shower. in a towel. game on.

this guy was my type (or at least my type that month): midwestern, sweet, blue collar, says things like "yes ma'am" and "i reckon." im suprised i didnt undress myself in the lobby. so i was anxious to pull away the towel.

i did. and said (and i quote) "uhhhh are you fucking kidding me???...." i mentally gave him a nickname dedicated to a pizza we had ordered earlier -- ULTIMATE MEAT.

this was a good thing. a verrrrrry good thing. it was like christmas morning, but dirty. not kidding, i wasnt quite sure what to do with it. it was that huge. unfortunately, he must have been relying on size rather than skill all his life, because it was not good AT ALL. at one point there was an attempt at the missionary position that could only be described as a pornographic and awful game of leap frog. i considered faking an allergic reaction and bailing. but i was polite, faked it, and got dressed as quickly as i could.

so after sneaking past his friend/boss who was pounding on the door the entire time looking for us, we went down thru the lobby for an uncomfortable walk of shame in front of the night guy. i got in my car, laughed it off, and figured i was ok knowing that i never had to see him again.

he ended up staying an extra night. i worked the next day. awkward. i know, i know -- DONT SHIT WHERE YOU EAT. but it doesnt count for ultimate meat. and i still havent learned my lesson...

<3 CC

EWWW.

Remember, everyone we are always on camera.  It is a fact of modern day life.  From Wal-Mart to the bank and even on college campuses, Big Brother is watching.  We have a ton of hi-tech cameras all over the place.  And yes, we can zoom right in on you.

So, think before you act.  Or, think before you masturbate in the stairway of my hotel.  

Yes.  It happened.  On Saturday, I came to work out in our fitness center.  (Hey, it is cheaper than a gym membership and close to my home.)  

I was not working, but I was catching up with my friend who was working at the time.   We were behind the desk, by the camera screen and caught him in the act.

Now, to be fair, even If it is inexcusable, he was about 20 years old and with his basketball team.  So maybe he did not have enough private time.  But I could think of about 20 other private places he could have "used."  The stairway?  Not on the list.

my funny friends from the north

Well, I have been thoroughly entertained today.   That is a good thing, because life hasn't been so great.

But today, I checked about 12 walk-ins.  They were almost all from Canada.  It is kind of typical for this time of year.  Older Canadians seem to "winter" in Florida, then come home.  

This couple I had today though, they were hilarious.  They drank as much beer as possible.  Then they told me about there life.  They are retired.  Fixed income.  But they invested in Florida when they were younger.  So they stay down there about 4 months out of the year.  I've asked them to take me next year, so if I disappear next December do not be surprised.

But they made my night great.  They made me laugh with their corny jokes.  And, they made me wish I still had grandparents.

Breakfast

I am tired.  I am cranky.  I filled in at another hotel last night 3-11, then had to get up at 7 a.m. to work at my normal hotel.

We serve breakfast.  It is free.

But we are not a restaurant.  It is a buffet.  

Yet, today, when I was so sleepy, at least 4 people asked me to make them waffles. 

They are "make-your-own" waffles.  So, make your own.  It is not that hard.  And I do not have time.  I have to check people out.  I have to answer the phone.  I have to clean up after your messy kids that get more of their muffins on the floor than in their screaming mouths.  

But I do not have to and will not make your waffles.

And, yeah I know, the coffee is empty.  Why did you think I took the pot away? I went to make more.  Thanks for letting me know every 3 seconds.  It takes literally 1 minute 30 seconds to make a new pot.  Calm down.  Maybe you have already had too much coffee.